Monday, April 12, 2010

make a print out of it

future is so hard to predict. one step u made wrong it does change the next.

it will either fasten the process or delaying it.

in the world of competition, evry step of the way counts. evryone is ur rival n evry part of u is like a working machine plus u can also feel that how fast the time passes by with a blink of an eye.

i wanted to make a drastic or shud i call it aggressive move upon my future..but i shud also remember that i dont live alone. i must take note n put under consideration of ppl around me. not to say i cared too much about them but.. they MADE me. u understand by that?

like my life is useless n/or not "a life" without them. this sounds ridiculous as ppl always say u live alone u die alone. u know that concept is not always true.

so, my plan of changes always got interrupted by the thots that maybe ppl around me might get hurt. sometimes i do feel i can live alone coz no one cares wat i did. but at the moment when i can almost feel my life is falling down the cliff or almost reach rockbottom, i always got saved by the bell. by bell i meant phonecalls. these magical phone calls always keep me alive. with activities of course. and the demands seems to make my life or m

yself feel so worth-full.

as for right here right now im doing good. doing great actually. im not depressed. i got a few more months til end of semester... i really need a break.. to clear my head up n to figure out wat my future suppose to be. or become or be with..

im confused n i dont know wat i want. yeah even up til now. u can laugh about it all u want. i dont seem to care.

i'd say if i cant be with that person, or i made decision not to be with him, i make a print out of it. as a memory. pictures r too deep so i just keep the names..

*this is a pic i took fr my krakow trip. hopefully il be able to write travelblog after this. =D

Labels: story for soul

eff the besh at 6:17 PM

1comments

Thursday, February 18, 2010

well well well

well well well...
as i cant seem to find a nice topic.
so! wat have i done so far that im this near getting this years summer?
say...i travelled. yep! i travelled a lot this year. n back from my trip to krakow i was admitted.
admitted not for so long (thank God!) in surgical dept suspected of pancreatitis.

so i was brought there by ambulance, they call it here "scora-pamosh" - direct translation "fast-help".
2 A&E (shortform of Aid n Emergency) doctors came n gave me spasmolytic but it didnt relieve me. and they thot i was having a fever as i was sweating like hell (must be the sympathetic inervation) coz i was having diarrhea n vomiting at the same time.
well..its not a pleasant story to be told. but heck, just feels like it.
so i ended up overnite at 7th hospital treated by attending physician Dr.Raznichenko (my parallels' group teacher) - was

the next day i was fine after IV treatment with omeprazole, noshpa, contrykal, n fosfalugel, i was discharged by my own teacher - Dr.Trofimov... he's cute..i always think that he's so smart that if he ask me out, i wudhv said YES! :p
From there on, i have to change my diet to diet no.1 and must continue it strictly until my follow up endoscopy after a month.

for those who dont have any idea wat diet no.1 is, its basically liquid diet for GIT problem patient. that includes u cannot eat chocolate, no strong tea, no coffee, no red meat, no spinach, no tomato. and of course - no smoking n no alcohol. so, jgn pandai2 telan perfume yer.. :p
owh c'mon!its not that bad.. i mean i have to sacrifice my spicy food in order to continue living but in returns........ there might be a chance for me to get a......... a ........ a perfect cute, sexy body. :p hahahha (LOL! and very loudly!)
so here i am, continuing my medication n eating liquid food.. healthily!
yay ME! u can do it!

this the pic of my hospital-made-soup of the day. - an example of diet no.1.

Labels: story for soul

eff the besh at 2:31 PM

3comments

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

.::Broken Hearted Girl::.

Lyrics:
Youre everything I thought you never were
And nothing like I thought you couldve been
But still you live inside of me
So tell me how is that?

Youre the only one I wish I could forget
The only one Id love to not forgive
And though you break my heart, youre the only one
And though there are times when I hate you
Cause I cant erase
The times that you hurt me
And put tears on my face
And even now while I hate you
It pains me to say
I know Ill be there at the end of the day

I dont wanna be without you babe
I dont want a broken heart
Dont wanna take a breath with out you babe
I dont wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I dont want to love you in no kind of way no no
I dont want a broken heart
And I dont wanna play the broken-hearted girlNo...No
No broken-hearted girl
Im no broken-hearted girl

Something that I feel I need to say
But up to now Ive always been afraid
That you would never come around
And still I want to put this out
You say youve got the most respect for me
But sometimes I feel youre not deserving me
And still youre in my heart
But youre the only one and yes
There are times when I hate you
But I dont complain
Cause Ive been afraid that you would've walk away
Oh but now I dont hate you
Im happy to say
That I will be there at the end of the day

I dont wanna be without you babe
I dont want a broken heart
Dont wanna take breath with out you babe
I dont wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I dont want to love you in no kind of way no no
I dont want a broken heart
And I dont wanna play the broken-hearted girl...NoNo
No broken-hearted girl

Now Im at a place I thought Id never beOooo
Im living in a world thats all about you and meyeah
Ain't gotta be afraid my broken heart is free
To spread my wings and fly away
Away With you
yeah yeah yeah, ohh ohh ohh

I dont wanna be without my baby
I dont wanna a broken heart
Dont want to take a breath with out my baby
I dont wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I dont want to love you in no kind of way..No..No
I dont want a broken heart
I dont wanna play the broken-hearted girl..No..No..
No broken-hearted girl
Broken-hearted girl Nono
No broken-hearted girl
No broken-hearted girl

Labels: la vie

eff the besh at 11:17 PM

0comments

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Hola for Ash-sheee!!

It's Alright It's OK by Ashley Tisdale

You told me
There's no need
To talk it out
Cause its too late
To proceed
And slowly
I took your words
And walked away

No looking back
I wont regret, no
I will find my way
I'm broken
But still I have to say

It's Alright, it's OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
It's Alright, it's OK
So don't you bother what I do
No matter what you say
I wont return
Our bridge has burned down
I'm stronger now
It's Alright, it's OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry

You played me
Betrayed me
Your love was nothing but a game
Portrayed a role
You took control, I
I couldn't help but fall
So deep
But now I see things clear

It's Alright, it's OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
It's Alright, it's OK
So don't you bother what I do
No matter what you say
I wont return
Our bridge has burned down
I'm stronger now
It's Alright, it's OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry

Don't waste your fiction tears on me
Just save them for someone in need
It's way too late
I'm closing the door

It's Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
It's Alright, it's OK
So don't you bother what I do
No matter what you say
I wont return
Our bridge has burned down
I'm stronger now
It's Alright, it's OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry

It's Alright, it's OK
Alright, OK
Without you
No matter what you say
It's Alright, it's OK
Alright, OK
Without you
I won't be sorry

Labels: la vie

eff the besh at 10:53 PM

0comments

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

If only

Im doing my case report.. Actually finishing it coz the teacher just have something to correct. Am currently listening to city of angel OST. Its the "Iris" song now. Suddenly u know, i feel like sharing my thots after class today. This is a bit rediculous but i myself think maybe i have bipolar disorder. My sis used to call me crazy for saying these things to her.

The reason i thot about that was bcoz im having depression earlier today. Like... U know.. Severe depression. Maybe not THAT severe but i think severe!
Ok.. Somehow my brain refused to accept that its hormone( maybe theyr fighting with each other u know.- the sense n the hormone)
so as i sat in mashrutka/bus i thot "if i have an alter ego, wat wud her name be?" its crazy rite? I know! I always think i live with part of a soul, but i cudnt realy find my other soul. Ok i know i started to sound crazy. But dont go. Yet. Im not done.

So i thot : my alter ego's name wudhv been JANE.
I like that name. I mean i like Jane. Think ive been having Jane since i was 13.
When i discovered that i need a soulmate u know. Owh i sound pathetic now..

Well thats basically about it. I got case report to finish.
Whoever u are Jane, u brought smiles to my face. It was U. Yes..

Labels: funny thots

eff the besh at 10:11 PM

2comments

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Berundur tak bererti kalah

Lidah setajam pisau.pernah ku baca kisah seorg imam yg mengajar muridnya utk lebih berhati2 ketika berbicara. Aku juwa bukanlah insan yg sempurna utk mendapat tahfiz sebagai pasangan hidup. Dan bukan juwa org jahat utk dpt kasanova. the point is, sometimes u don't have to be with someone u love in order to be happy. Sometimes u just hav to let it go. Takde jodoh nk buat camne kan?org yg bercinta lama2 pon kekadang kawen ngan org lain. Nikan pula org yg bercinta skejap.but to tell u the way I let go was always wrong. I duno how to talk to them strongly that il do good alone. I just hav to do it rough way. Saye akan kutuk sampai dia marah. then il feel bad about it.-alone. But come n think about it, I actually am helping him to move on. Then this is the best way to let go. Sbb ckp 10 Kali pon x paham2. Tu je la ubatnye. But at least I'm a straight forward.I man up n tell the truth. Bukan nye sorok2 n give trillion reasons why we can't be together.

Labels: story for soul

eff the besh at 12:44 AM

0comments

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

home or away?

im here in ukraine. yay... (not excited at all)

i just arrived for almost 3 weeks now.i celebrated raya.. my frens bday.. and then the time wil come again..when i miss home..

i just came n im missing home?? wat the heck??!?

i got evrything that i need here well of coz except my family. and my 42inch plasma tv.

and gucci..salem.. argh too much to think about!

car, shoes,room,jeans, washing machine, i forgot to bring em all???

i didnt go for class today as i dont feel well.

i had this feelings since 3 days ago. i feel down..

now really i feel sick. sore throat, stuffy nose (this stage medically termed - catharral symptom.

i didnt take flu medicine as it hasnt developed yet.

so i just took panadol n vit.c instead. and yes ig6.

on top of that i ate spaghetti pasta with hot chilli sauce as gravy. (great! wat a good remedy to irritate ur throat n stomach)

pls do not try this anywhere on earth.

yes. being away from home is not easy peeps.

even when u came back from school, ppl will ask "hey wer u going afterwards?"

and u say "go home." or sometimes u wil say " go back."

but the meaning is stil the same.

and i remember one day i was mad at my teacher i grumpily packed my stuffs and thinking of going away while my teacher bz asking questions. then she stopped n asked me "eff, wat do u think?"

and i said 'i THINK i wanna go home"

and literally i meant that!

see even when ur away the place where u live has to be ur home. while ur at home, ur thinking of going to ur REAL home.

hurm im crapping to much.think i need some sleep.

chio!