Monday, April 12, 2010

make a print out of it

future is so hard to predict. one step u made wrong it does change the next.

it will either fasten the process or delaying it.

in the world of competition, evry step of the way counts. evryone is ur rival n evry part of u is like a working machine plus u can also feel that how fast the time passes by with a blink of an eye.

i wanted to make a drastic or shud i call it aggressive move upon my future..but i shud also remember that i dont live alone. i must take note n put under consideration of ppl around me. not to say i cared too much about them but.. they MADE me. u understand by that?

like my life is useless n/or not "a life" without them. this sounds ridiculous as ppl always say u live alone u die alone. u know that concept is not always true.

so, my plan of changes always got interrupted by the thots that maybe ppl around me might get hurt. sometimes i do feel i can live alone coz no one cares wat i did. but at the moment when i can almost feel my life is falling down the cliff or almost reach rockbottom, i always got saved by the bell. by bell i meant phonecalls. these magical phone calls always keep me alive. with activities of course. and the demands seems to make my life or m

yself feel so worth-full.

as for right here right now im doing good. doing great actually. im not depressed. i got a few more months til end of semester... i really need a break.. to clear my head up n to figure out wat my future suppose to be. or become or be with..

im confused n i dont know wat i want. yeah even up til now. u can laugh about it all u want. i dont seem to care.

i'd say if i cant be with that person, or i made decision not to be with him, i make a print out of it. as a memory. pictures r too deep so i just keep the names..

*this is a pic i took fr my krakow trip. hopefully il be able to write travelblog after this. =D

Labels: story for soul

eff the besh at 6:17 PM

1comments

Thursday, February 18, 2010

well well well

well well well...
as i cant seem to find a nice topic.
so! wat have i done so far that im this near getting this years summer?
say...i travelled. yep! i travelled a lot this year. n back from my trip to krakow i was admitted.
admitted not for so long (thank God!) in surgical dept suspected of pancreatitis.

so i was brought there by ambulance, they call it here "scora-pamosh" - direct translation "fast-help".
2 A&E (shortform of Aid n Emergency) doctors came n gave me spasmolytic but it didnt relieve me. and they thot i was having a fever as i was sweating like hell (must be the sympathetic inervation) coz i was having diarrhea n vomiting at the same time.
well..its not a pleasant story to be told. but heck, just feels like it.
so i ended up overnite at 7th hospital treated by attending physician Dr.Raznichenko (my parallels' group teacher) - was

the next day i was fine after IV treatment with omeprazole, noshpa, contrykal, n fosfalugel, i was discharged by my own teacher - Dr.Trofimov... he's cute..i always think that he's so smart that if he ask me out, i wudhv said YES! :p
From there on, i have to change my diet to diet no.1 and must continue it strictly until my follow up endoscopy after a month.

for those who dont have any idea wat diet no.1 is, its basically liquid diet for GIT problem patient. that includes u cannot eat chocolate, no strong tea, no coffee, no red meat, no spinach, no tomato. and of course - no smoking n no alcohol. so, jgn pandai2 telan perfume yer.. :p
owh c'mon!its not that bad.. i mean i have to sacrifice my spicy food in order to continue living but in returns........ there might be a chance for me to get a......... a ........ a perfect cute, sexy body. :p hahahha (LOL! and very loudly!)
so here i am, continuing my medication n eating liquid food.. healthily!
yay ME! u can do it!

this the pic of my hospital-made-soup of the day. - an example of diet no.1.

Labels: story for soul

eff the besh at 2:31 PM

3comments

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Berundur tak bererti kalah

Lidah setajam pisau.pernah ku baca kisah seorg imam yg mengajar muridnya utk lebih berhati2 ketika berbicara. Aku juwa bukanlah insan yg sempurna utk mendapat tahfiz sebagai pasangan hidup. Dan bukan juwa org jahat utk dpt kasanova. the point is, sometimes u don't have to be with someone u love in order to be happy. Sometimes u just hav to let it go. Takde jodoh nk buat camne kan?org yg bercinta lama2 pon kekadang kawen ngan org lain. Nikan pula org yg bercinta skejap.but to tell u the way I let go was always wrong. I duno how to talk to them strongly that il do good alone. I just hav to do it rough way. Saye akan kutuk sampai dia marah. then il feel bad about it.-alone. But come n think about it, I actually am helping him to move on. Then this is the best way to let go. Sbb ckp 10 Kali pon x paham2. Tu je la ubatnye. But at least I'm a straight forward.I man up n tell the truth. Bukan nye sorok2 n give trillion reasons why we can't be together.

Labels: story for soul

eff the besh at 12:44 AM

0comments

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

home or away?

im here in ukraine. yay... (not excited at all)

i just arrived for almost 3 weeks now.i celebrated raya.. my frens bday.. and then the time wil come again..when i miss home..

i just came n im missing home?? wat the heck??!?

i got evrything that i need here well of coz except my family. and my 42inch plasma tv.

and gucci..salem.. argh too much to think about!

car, shoes,room,jeans, washing machine, i forgot to bring em all???

i didnt go for class today as i dont feel well.

i had this feelings since 3 days ago. i feel down..

now really i feel sick. sore throat, stuffy nose (this stage medically termed - catharral symptom.

i didnt take flu medicine as it hasnt developed yet.

so i just took panadol n vit.c instead. and yes ig6.

on top of that i ate spaghetti pasta with hot chilli sauce as gravy. (great! wat a good remedy to irritate ur throat n stomach)

pls do not try this anywhere on earth.

yes. being away from home is not easy peeps.

even when u came back from school, ppl will ask "hey wer u going afterwards?"

and u say "go home." or sometimes u wil say " go back."

but the meaning is stil the same.

and i remember one day i was mad at my teacher i grumpily packed my stuffs and thinking of going away while my teacher bz asking questions. then she stopped n asked me "eff, wat do u think?"

and i said 'i THINK i wanna go home"

and literally i meant that!

see even when ur away the place where u live has to be ur home. while ur at home, ur thinking of going to ur REAL home.

hurm im crapping to much.think i need some sleep.

chio!

Labels: story for soul

eff the besh at 11:34 AM

0comments

Saturday, August 01, 2009

beautiful : eminem

wow..i came across this song and the lyrics seem to fit in my depressions in ukraine.
now that im in malaysia i didnt get it but of course i cant run away from it. thank God i have family, siblings that always keep me happy, giggling, laughing.. hurmph.. im gonna miss them.
so wen i do feel depressed i wil turn to them or perhaps just suck it up n keep it to myself.
i mean why should i show it? i'd hide it for my own sake.its better that way i guess..
the song called BEAUTIFUL by EMINEM

Labels: story for soul

eff the besh at 7:27 PM

2comments

Saturday, July 11, 2009

i cant sleep

the sound of the howling winds giving slaps of rain to my window pane. Owch..
just like the msg i received recently.and the calls...
no i cant sleep tonight.
dunno wat im thinking about so i decided to read a few blogs..
well..just some normal blogs about life..about other people outside my box.
its funny to stumble upon a piece of (i call it junk) article about places ive been and the pictures i took!
how ironic! i was gonna post the same thing about the same place n the same picture was there!
well..we all have brain that produces idea. no matter who is having it, where n when, we all share the same idea.
i mean, the same way of thinking.
well believe it or not but its true!speaking of truth or truthful..
i always..i mean ALWAYS hate cheaters. liars. especially when it involves me.
but, i seldom said - owh its just a plain white lie, when i tell lies.
yes, i regretted every single moment of it.
back to the article, flashing back, waaay back to summer last year.
i still remember, the island.. when i came to think about it, there must be a reason why i went there.
just like theres a reason why i went to sumy.just like the reason why i went to ukraine.
and just like other gazzilion reasons before this n that.but sumy was so yesterday. and the island is like day after yesterday, but not yet today.
i know as complicated as it sounds, it is more complicated when u step ur foot into it.
nope its not confortable in here. trust me.
i wanna point out here that the island doesnt mean anything to me but.. the persons who were there mean so much more a lot to me!
i couldnt sleep since yesterday. im still trying to figure out why is this happening. why? why? why?
is this wat they call blacksummer? owh no..this must be my worst nightmare.
i stumble upon my own dreams.its a damn annoying dream. im trying to catch the stars but what i didnt realize is that im walking on a silver lining.what a bad luck.
i got starstruck at first, next moment i remember - lightning struck!
owh how can this sweet moments just last for a few seconds..if only i could be near the stars again..this time i promise to praise its beauty, appreciate it, loving it.. never take my eyes off of it.
now im back to reality. daydream wont last so long they said. (eventho that was a nitemare. God..i dont even know wat to call it!)
dear readers, this is wat u got wen u didnt sleep.
man, ive gotta move on! even with a sore heart, heavy head, paining back but my pace cant never stop now.its getting near dawn already..what? already?? owhhh.. i have to get some sleep. sleep eff! theres no reason for u to think about him!he's just another piece of glass in the sea.
hes probably near the Adromeda - the planet of the others.
now i wish im one of the autobots.. to have no heart - just like him

Labels: story for soul

eff the besh at 1:48 AM

0comments

Sunday, April 05, 2009

kill all my demons and my angels might die too.

how isit ironic when u tell people what to do but in the end,u turned out not to do anything.
this is just typical man-ly brainee
so, if u have faith - ur free to recite
crying fr help wont help u, it will only make u fall.
so find ur happiness.. find HIM..
human-ly love will never last.and i dont think that it even existed.

Morandi - Angels

People..stop fighting, angels are crying
We can be better, love is the answer
Search inside, are there anymore tears to cry ?
Don't you wonder why ?
Why you feel so alone all against the world
(World, world..)
Search back time, when you used to sing along
To the music of your soul
Song of faith you can change, it's not too late
People..stop fighting, angels are crying
We can be better, love is the answer..
Search inside, are there anymore tears to cry ?
Don't you wonder why ?
Why you feel so alone all against the world
(World, world..)
Search back time, when you used to sing along
To the music of your soul
Song of faith you can change, it's not too late
(People..stop fighting, angels are crying
We can be better, love is the answer)
Love is the answer..

Labels: story for soul

eff the besh at 1:18 AM

3comments